Early entry this week because I found something that's NOT shovelware and actually looks like a pretty sweet game. Don't worry though, they'll be plenty more bad shovelware coming. I've got Ghetto Golf lined up for next week.

Super Robot Taisen OG Saga: Endless Frontier (Nintendo DS)
This is... the most awesome thing I have ever seen. In Japanese anime, female characters are typically drawn with vary, vary large breasts. Odd for a people not exactly known for their big jubblies unless you count the lovely Aki Hoshino or "Death by Motorboat" Fuko. (I personally don't like them huge anyway. A or B, that's perfect for me. Somebody has to like them.) As far as I can tell, it's a fighting RPG along the lines of Sonic Battle and similar games. The best part is, when your female character powers up, she expose some nice cleavage. Oh, there's male PCs too but who cares. If you think this is sexist, you're probably right, but a woman kicking some butt, that's girl power.


Major Minor's Majestic March (Wii)
Oh god I really hate picking on the poor Wii but here's another ludicrous game. What's worse than shovelware on Wiiware for $10? Shovelware in a retail box that costs $50. This game, developed by Square Enix, has you leading a marching bad. You pump your Wiimote up and down in the air to keep the beat and recruit bandmates. The gameplay seems vary basic and likely has little to no replay value. Plus the graphics look just awful. At least the music is pretty decent, which is the bare minimum requirement for any rhythm game. No matter how you slice it though, marching bands just aren't considered cool anymore. Then again, were they ever? This made me laugh because my mom used to do the baton twirling stuff back in the 60s. She might enjoy this but I can't see anybody else flocking to buy it. A Wiiware title maybe but a retail box? Really? Come on. Oh, and I don't know anybody who actually liked, or even played Prappa the Rapper.

WarioWare Myself (Nintendo DS)
I think I just Wii-ed myself watching this one. This one was actually developed by Nintendo as a Wiiware title. The Warioware games, staring the beloved anti-Mario, have been quite popular on several Nintendo platforms. Basically, they're just a collection of minigames. I think they're really starting to run out of ideas though. Super Wario has a mission in this one! Unlock the bathroom door so desperate people can answer the call of nature. It involves solving vary simple puzzles. More targeted at kids I guess but this game just, well, it doesn't exactly carry the same quality as most inhouse Nintendo games.


Party Fun Pirate (Wii)
Speaking of running out of ideas, it looks like game developer TOMY has decided to rip off Pop-up Pirate. Remember that game when you were a kid when you would stick plastic swords into a barrel and if the pirate popped out you lost? This game goes on there because of it's lack of originality and the fact that it's pretty much a blatant ripoff of the original toy. Kids will probably love this though... meaning it might keep them amused and out of your hair for five minutes at least.

The saga of Xbox 360 hardware failures never seems to end. Those buying Jasper models thought they were out of the woods in regards to system crippling hardware errors got an unwelcome surprise. Last month, it was discovered that Xbox 360s purchased in the last year or so seemed to be suffering an unusually high number of E74 errors. This particular error is similar to the red ring of death but is not related to the CPU or GPU. The chip that controls display scaling can become unseated, causing image atrefacts and noise to appear on the screen. It eventually results in total failure when the system displays the E74 message screen and a single red light appears. Originally, Microsoft had only covered this issue under the normal one year Xbox warranty. They have now extended it to fall under the RRoD three year warranty. This is retroactive meaning that customers who already paid for their system to be repaired will get a full rebate.

For what it's worth, I think it's important to point out that the Xbox 360's motherboard is assembled by Taiwanese firm Foxconn. It's not a well known company outside of the tech world but it is a primary subcontractor for many major consumer electronics companies. Aside from the 360, Foxconn also assembles the motherboards for the Wii, PS3, iPod Nano, MacBook Air, Macbook Pro, iPhone, various cell phones, and the Amazon Kindle. Since most of these products are considered to be some of the most reliable in the industry, we can chock up the 360's issues to design flaws rather than manufacturing oversights. While the 360 has been a widely successful product for Microsoft, the console has generated a lot of negative press in regards to its extremely poor reliability; which is far below industry standards by a significant margin.

Source: The Register

A good or bad first impression can make or break you. Microsoft has learned this the hard way through Vista and its "iPod killer" Zune. It appears their MP3 player may be ready to play it's final swan song. A study by marketing research firm Piper Jaffray surveyed 600 teenagers in high schools across the US found that 86% already own an iPod while only 4% own a Microsoft player. 19% of those surveyed planned to buy a new player in 2009 with 100% of them saying it would be an iPod. That has to sting for Microsoft who has been pushing the Zune as an iPod alternative. In all fairness, Sony is worse off with only 2% but I wonder if this includes the PSP or just stand alone MP3 players. Piper Jaffray clearly shows that the iPod is rapidly reaching market saturation despite the recession.

The Zune has been more of an embarrassment for Microsoft than an iPod killer. It stumbled out of the gate in 2006 when it's strict DRM scheme prevented even Microsoft's PlaysforSure certified WMA tracks wouldn't play on it. Of course the vast majority of WMA music being sold was PlaysforSure protected. This soured a lot of people off buying it. While being an overall decent player, complete with handy features such as wifi streaming, it just lacked the appeal that iPod had. Poor marketing campaigns didn't help. Zune ads are rarely if ever seen and I personally don't know anybody who owns one. World wide sales are pegged at 3 million according to Wikipedia, contrasted with the 150 million iPods that have been sold. In other words, the iPod has sold at a rate of eighteen times faster over its lifetime. The Zune only made it to Canada less than a year ago and is still not available in Europe, with no plans to introduce it to that continent in the near future. Furthermore, the software does not support non-romanized text meaning it cannot break into the vital Asian markets as an import. Microsoft is planning to upgrade the Zune's hardware but many tech pundits are predicting that this may be the last Zune to hit stores. The Register is reporting that Microsoft has disbanded the Zune unit and will instead focus on providing online media services for PC, TV, and and cell phones. The hardware unit has been absorbed under the Windows Mobile division. It is possible that the much rumored Zune Phone could be part of this move but it's more likely Micorosft is trying to incorporate Zune features into smart phones running Windows Mobile and will discontinue it as a stand-alone player.

This all begs the perennial question that has been cropping up once again. Should Microsoft even be in the hardware market? They are a software company and other than simple peripherals such as keyboards and mice, their consumer electronics division was only created recently. Recent controversies regarding hardware and software issues the Xbox 360 and Zune haven't helped their cause. It would be best for MS to drop their consumer electronics lines and begin focusing soley on software once again. They have no business in the hardware market.

Source: Apple Insider, The Register

Squeeballs (Wii, Xbox 360, PS3)
They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Even better if you can take a popular game and throw in plenty of bloody animal abuse into it. That pretty much sums up Squeeballs, a combination of Wii Sports and Mario Party. Count 'em, 100 minigames where all you do is kill and maim the poor squeeballs. Beat them with a bat, mash them in a meat grinder, electrocute them. What good, clean family fun! Even grandma can tap into her inner serial killer. I mentioned this game before when In2Games announced their Wiimote-like motion controller for the PS3 and Xbox 360. Squeeballs was develped in house by them and so far seems to be the only title that supports their peripheral. This game just looks far too bizarre and crule to have any real value, plus it looks like crap too. As a PSN, XBL, or Wiiware game, this might make sense, or not. Hopefully they won't ask full retail price for it. If they do, I think Squeeballs is a shoo in for the Shovelware of the Year award.


Gold's Gym: Cardio Workout (Wii)
I really hate picking on the poor Wii but it does have the highest amount of shovelware than any other current generation console. Working on today's theme of sports game ripoffs, we have another Wii Fit clone. Gold's Gym is working out with your Wii. I suppose this isn't a terrible game but it just looks like such a blatant ripoff, it's not funny. Even the game's characters look like the Miis from Wii Sports, not to mention that the graphics are just awful, which serves as salt in your black eye. Now who would develop such a crappy knockoff game. Certainly not a major company like Ubisoft. Oh wait, it was published by Ubisoft. No surprises there.

Sometimes you just look at a game and wonder, "oh please god, I hope they never make a sequel". Obviously, I'm not in the lord's good books since Ubisoft is making another Assassin's Creed. Yes, you probably already knew that but today the first teaser trailer is released, shedding light on the second game. Looks like it's going to be another Da Vinci Code knockoff. Curse you Dan Brown for starting the never ending trend of movies, books, and games based on hidden Templar codes Leonardo supposedly put in his art work. It's gotten to the point of being a cliched, throw away plot these days. The original was pretty bad as it was, being boring and having sloppy controls. I guess if you're a sucker for punishment, this might be worth taking a look at, or maybe not. Well, without further ado, check out the trailer.

Right, so another free episode of Qore, and this one might actually be worse than the December issue I looked at in the past. I think this pretty much confirms that Qore isn't selling. We've seen two free episodes released in the last three months. Obviously the first one wasn't enough to encourage people to plop down $2.99. So what's Episode 11 like. Well, there's far less content then there was back in December. There are four features: The Music of Infamous, Indie Games on PSN, Fat Princess, and Red Faction Guerrilla. Like before, these are just trailers and developer interviews. The upcoming titles on PS3 and BD are also still there. There's also a couple "arcade" games. I'm not really quite sure how I got into them, it seems like a hidden feature since they weren't on the menu. One is a lame Missile Command knockoff that has you shooting down flying squares. The other is some rhythm game that looks like Simon Says. For downloads, we have the Factions demo and free High Velocity Bowling, but as usual, these are only available to annual subscribers. The only free download is a Fat Princess theme. Missing are the real world features that appeared in their last free issue.

Once again, there's really nothing being offered here that cannot be obtained for free elsewhere on the Internet. It's getting really hard to defend Sony Computer Entertainment lately. Qore really should be free. In fact, the same basic content is already available in their free PULSE podcast. Sony is still really pushing the annual subscription but it's just not worth the money. Qore is vary well put together, I'll give it that, but it's just paid advertising. It would be like if your cable company began offering a 24-hour infomercial channel and made you pay $2.99 a month for it. Of course you're not going to subscribe even if it is relatively cheap because who wants to watch commercials all day long. The fact that there's less content this time aroung garners it a lower rating than the December issue. This is shovelware, plain and simple.

Score: 4.5 out of 10

I'm really tired of all the shovelware that's appearing on pretty much every single system these days. You know what kind of games these are. The ones that are bargain basement cheap, short, of low quality, nonsensical, and leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. So, I thought I'd start a semi-regular feature on some of the more bizarre shovelware titles I come across. Each week or two, I'll look at a couple trailers for shovelware titles and disect them.

Let's Hitchhike (Wii)
What do you do when dinosaurs and UFOs take over the city? Why you hitchhike your way out of there of course! You hop a ride on whatever you come across, be it a sports car, a tractor, a cow, or a tree... wait, a tree? Apparently there are Ents living in the Let's Hitchhike world as you can actually flag down passing... trees. The goal is to do a dance that will attract the driver's attention. Shake your booty in your track suit and you might just be able to hitch a safe ride away from those dinos, or possibly get gang raped by bikers at a truck stop. This game was developed in Japan. No surprises there. Somebody once told me that defeated peoples develop a collective neuroticism combined with repressed aggression. Thus they seek strange outlets for these feelings. The Germans have schizer videos, the Japanese, well, they also have bizarre porn, and even stranger video games. Sometimes they combine the two; but not in this case... fortunately or unfortunately depending on your point of view. Hey! Who's driving the bus? Ooh, una momento por favor.


Noby Noby Boy (PS3)
Noby Noby Boy is a bit like a bad acid trip. After sifting through a dozen trailers for it, I still don't know what this game is about. That's never a good sign. I guess I could best describe it as Kirby breading with a rejected Pokemon character, who's offspring is sucked into a Slavador Dali painting. You eat stuff, and you grow longer to make your Girl happy. I'll spare readers from the obvious sexual innuendos here. I don't really have any snappy commentary for this title because I think the video speaks for itself. I admit I almost bought this one out of sheer curiosity. I made a more sensible purchase by going with Flower instead.

Following up on round up of consoles, let's take a look at the portables.

Gaming Laptop
-See Gaming PC

Sony Playstation Portable

Advantages
-Best graphics our of all current portables, equivalent to early PS2 games.
-Large library of games that are geared toward intermediate and hardcore gamers
-Excellent personal media player capabilities, boxed movies available
-Playstation Store for downloadable games and DLC expansion packs
-Conventional control scheme
-Cheapest current generation portable at $169 for Core system with $199 bundle packs that offer excellent value
-Backwards compatible with original Playstation games
-Skype service on PSP-2000 and up
-802.11b wireless internet for ad-hoc or network play, Internet browser and RSS 2.0 reader
-Connectivity with PS3 allows media streaming
-Unlimited number of saves on flash cards

Disadvantages
-Mediocre battery life
-Few new games being produced for system
-UMD drive slow
-Proprietary Memory Stick Pro Duo memory cards are expensive. Core model does not ship with memory card.
-Analogue stick can be awkward to use. No second analogue stick means players can sometimes encounter game camera control issues.

Nintendo DSi

Advantages
-Large library of family and non-gamer friendly titles including those from Nintendo's hit series.
-Innovative touch screen control combined with conventional control layout
-Excellent battery life
-Flash based game cards virtually eliminate load times, makes games more portable
-Built-in VGA camera for taking pictures
-Ad Hoc wireless play
-DSiware store provides downloadable games
-SD Card slot allows games to be stored, as well as provides MP3 playback.
-Graphics on par with Nintendo 64

Disadvantages
-Poor value. Costs $199.99 in Canada for just the system itself, while PSP bundles provide the system, two games, and a movie for same price.
-Limited number of games that appeal to intermediate and hardcore gamers
-Music playback vary limited, no video playback
-Built in wireless uses legacy 802.11 speeds. Too slow for internet access.
-No longer backwards compatible with Gameboy Advance games. Not compatible with Guitar Hero World Tour and other DS peripherals that use the GBA expansion slot.
-Lowest screen resolution of all portables. 256x192 compared to 480x272 on the PSP and 480x320 on the iPhone
-Some may dislike use of dual screens, stylus, and microphone in gameplay.
-Game saves directly on game cards. Vary limited number of saves.
-Does not come with SD card

Apple iPhone / iPod Touch

Advantages
-Highest resolution screen of all portables
-All games downloadable for instant play
-Excellent media and web functions, iPhone is also a phone and GPS unit. Full featured video iPod.
-Wide variety of non-gaming apps available, can be used as a MID or PDA.
-Games appeal to non-gamers
-Fast built in 802.11g wifi. iPhone has 3G networking for fast mobile connectivity.
-Innovative motion controls

Disadvantages
-Most expensive of all current generation handhelds. $199 for iPhone but requires mandatory 3yr contract with cell company. Touch costs $229.
-Worst graphics of the current generation
-Most games are primitive, highest amount of shovelware than any other system. Limited support from major game publishers. Limited appeal to most gamers.
-Lack of expandable storage limits how many games can be stored on the device at one time
-Mediocre battery life when gaming
-No online play
-Touch screen controls vary limited and often awkward to use
-Games can only be downloaded over Wifi connection or through iTunes; not 3G.

About a year ago, Apple announced it would be bringing gaming to it's iPhone and iPod Touch lines. At the time it was just a proof of concept and gaming wasn't officially introduced until the iPhone 3G was in June. According to Apple, the iPhone has made it's mark as a viable gaming platform over the past year. However, there's one problem with that. What defines a viable gaming platform? I would define it as a device that sells at least 10 million units in which gaming is a primary attraction to the device. The iPhone is not a game console, but neither is a PC. However, many people use their PCs primarily for gaming so therefore it would be a viable platform. While the iPhone passes the sales test, I do not believe gaming is the primary reason people buy the device.

In terms of the games themselves, the iPhone has become a platform for a large amount of shovelware. In computer jargon, this refers to software that is produced in mass quantity, usually sold at a vary low cost, and has vary limited usefulness and is of low quality. I would estimate that 95% of iPhone games fit into this category. The vast majority sell for as low as $0.99, making them quick, mindless impulse purchases. For these titles, gameplay is usually vary limited, consisting of what you'd expect from online Flash games. Take iBowl for example, a free bowling game. You basically just swing the iPhone like a ball and you hit the pins. A lot of the pay games are like this too. Vary primitive that only offer a slight distraction of a minute or too. This appeals to some; non-gamers in particular who are looking to kill a minute waiting for the bus. However, this hardly makes it a gaming platform as just about any mobile device offers something similar. The iPhone also offers some titles from larger developers such as Sega and EA. Sim City for example has proven popular but once again it's a more primitive version of what is available on other portable systems. The iPhone lacks exclusive, high quality titles from major developers so it's not going to attract more gaming oriented people to the platform. As a platform for indie games, it mostly attracts people looking to make vary basic games for a quick buch rather than serious developers.

Aside from the general low quality of the games, the iPhone is also not an ideal platform for playing games to begin with. It uses the same basic motion sensing features Sony's Dualshock 3 controller has, along with the touch screen. Controls feel more complex than they need to be due to these limiting factors. A DS style stylus would have made things easier and the fact that it is limited to essentially a direction stick and one button really hampers what developers can do with it. This is a stark contrast to the DS and PSP which have kept conventional control systems. Apple's promise of turning the iPhone into a viable third handheld has not happened, and will likely never happen. It is not practical for gaming and poses no threat at all to the PSP or DS.